Time Off For Good Labor

There is a scene in the beginning of the movie, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, where the title characters are fleeing a posse and find themselves trapped on a ledge, with the only escape being to jump 100 feet off into a shallow stream.

When the Kid hesitates, Cassidy asks why. The Kid then confides that he can’t swim. Cassidy responds, “Swim? Hell, the fall will probably kill you!”

Well, that’s similar to this biweekly Paul Revere ride/rant. Even if someone hears the warning, we’re probably way past the point of no return anyway. But since quitters are guaranteed losers, and because life often seems to be just one big crap shoot anywhoo, please watch for the lanterns one more time.

Let’s begin with the illumination of a recent report revealing that federal employees averaged $123,049 in total compensation for 2009, while the private sector (and from whose taxes provide that federal compensation) received just $61,051. The last time I remember seeing that light was when I realized, at 16, that North Carolina workers earning $10,000 per year were trying to buy automobiles made by Michigan workers earning $50,000. There’s an old saying about inmates running the asylum, and another statistic shows that federal employees vote overwhelmingly Democrat, but you can draw your own conclusions.

Besides, it’s possible that federal employees are worth more anyway. I know they must be stressed out at their jobs because you can tell by the performance. Take poor old Democrat Rep. Charlie Rangle from New York, for example. This man is charged with the task of making sure everyone is patriotic and pays their taxes properly. He has been such a workaholic that he completely forgot to mention that he owns a bunch of resort properties down in the Caribbean and didn’t even have time to report his rental income from them for the past 20 years. Now, that’s dedication.

And there’s Democrat Rep. Maxine Waters from California, who is responsible for making sure everyone in the federal government is ethical. I’m pretty sure the reading public understands the workload that job requires in Washington, D.C., but this woman was so swamped that she completely forgot that her husband was on the board of a failing bank that she thought needed some legal influence from her office. I guess you could say that being a federal employee is just like owning your own business because they all seem to be taking their work home with them.

Apparently, the job gets more demanding as the pay grade rises. At least we working stiffs get to relax and have a couple of beers when the whistle blows, but the big guy has to drink his beer with work guys, and on TV to boot! And, he has to treat the bitter, Bible-clinging Christians just like he does the constitutionally protected Muslims.

The big guy’s family pays a price, too. For example, the First Lady has to set the tone for the nation and put her personal life on hold. When we are struggling along as a nation, it gives us an inspirational boost when we see our leaders sacrifice, so she went along with the plan to pal around with Spanish royalty for a week, and then go down to the redneck Rivera on the Gulf before she finally got to take a real vacation.

They’re swamped! And speaking of swamped, all of these Democrat public servants had the additional responsibility of helping Nancy Pelosi keep her promise to drain the congressional swamp of the mean Republicans. I know we can’t afford to give these public servants a pay raise right now but they do deserve something. Maybe some time off.

OK, let’s get this right: One, if by land. Two, if ...